By Sister Nylas Moser, ASC


A few years ago, I was experiencing a “dark night of the soul.” During a group ritual that summer, participants were instructed to remain silent and to take their turn peering into a mysterious structure on a table. When I looked inside, a single votive candle was burning, yet mirrors reflected the one candle and “multiplied” it. I saw my face, as well.

Upon returning to my place, I asked myself, “What was that about?” In a few minutes, the answer came from Jesus:  “I can be your light.”  (Curiously, he did not say, “I am your light.”) This unexpected message moved me to tears. I knew that this was a grace.

In the autumn following the summer blessing, the interior struggle continued. I happened to take a walk. I took a moment to sit on a bench, when I noticed the sunlight glimmering on the morning dew. This was my first recognition of millions of diamonds of light. I got the message and laughed!  I exclaimed to Jesus:  “It’s YOU! Very clever! You’re funny!  You got my attention! I get it! Thank you!”  

There have been other occasions, when I am more attuned to this particular manifestation of light, for example, sunlight shimmering on water.

In October of 2020, the dark night lifted. Up to then, in spite of Jesus’ assurance, I had felt abandoned and distressed. While I had been doing inner work, it was a comment by my spiritual director that sparked the realization that the devil was behind my sorrow. He was jealous of Christ having captured my heart! At that, I told the Tempter to “get out and stay out!” for the devil wants to drive a wedge between us and God.  

Fast forward to February 2021. On the second morning of Lent, my eyes delighted in millions of diamonds of light glistening on the snow. I giggled because of the surprise, a message of love.

The sequence in nature has been light-filled grace in summer, autumn, and winter. Will there be an epiphany in the spring? Will I recognize other forms of diamonds of light?

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